I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what day is it and did you see me today?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
