dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
