you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
