Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
