i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
