Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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