Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
