I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
