Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
