Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
