It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
