I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
