I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize