Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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