hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
