using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
