Jerry, you need to find god
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
