Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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