i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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