i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize