Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
