i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I supernannyed him into submission
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
