i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
