I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
