I am midnight drunk by noon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
