your thong is hanging out like whoa
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
