I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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