And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
