i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize