Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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