Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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