Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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