They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
