I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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