I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
