what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
