apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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