Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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