she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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