I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
