I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
