make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
