you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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