$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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