she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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