I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
