I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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