wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
