I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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