update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He better not be in your backpack
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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