atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
