I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and she was petting her beer can
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
