its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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