we're blogging at a bar
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize