Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
