So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
