Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
