I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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