You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
