I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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