So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone came in the potted fern
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
