we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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