It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
