Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
