So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
