I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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