I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
