there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
