We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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