I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
